Do you remember the last time you felt truly peaceful? When you could simply exist without analyzing your every word, your every move? When you didn't have to rehearse simple conversations in your head, anticipating all the ways they might twist your words?
Your stomach clenches when you hear those footsteps coming in the house. Which version of them will walk through the door today? The charming one who swept you off your feet? The cold one who can look right through you as if you're invisible? Or the cruel one who will find fault in everything you've done today?
You've learned their patterns like a survival skill. The slight tightening around their mouth that signals an impending storm. The particular way they sigh that means you're in for hours – maybe days – of silence, of being treated like a ghost in your own home. You've become an expert at reading these signs because you had to.
Remember when you were excited to share good news about your promotion? They somehow turned it into an argument about how you're never home enough. Remember reaching out to your sister about your struggles, only to have them accuse you of "betraying private matters" and "trying to turn people against them"? Now you sit with your pain alone, because it's easier than dealing with their rage or that deadly, punishing silence.
The holidays are coming up? Better not make plans with your family yet. You know they'll wait until the last minute to tell you their preferences, but God forbid you make a decision without them. Yet when you do wait, they'll blame you for not having plans in place. It's a game you can never win, because the rules keep changing.
Walking on eggshells? Second-guessing every decision? Apologizing for things you never did?
"You're too sensitive." "You're making things up." "That never happened." "You're crazy." The words play on repeat in your head. Sometimes you find yourself recording conversations or saving texts just to prove to yourself that you're not losing your mind. Because that's what they want – for you to question your own reality, your own memories, your own worth.
This is the reality of living with a narcissist. This was my reality every single day for years.
Let me be absolutely clear: You are not crazy. You are not too sensitive. You are experiencing a carefully orchestrated campaign of emotional manipulation and psychological abuse. And none of it – not one single bit of it – is your fault. And none of it truly has anything to do with you,
The problem isn't your cooking, your housekeeping, your appearance, your success, or your failure. The problem isn't how you loaded the dishwasher or whether you remembered to pick up their dry cleaning or what tone you used when you answered their question. The problem is their deep, unresolved trauma and their pathological need for control.
A narcissist creates a world where they are simultaneously the victim and the hero, while you play the role of eternal villain or incompetent supporting character. They want you to think you're crazy and question your reality. That lets them keep control over you. But here's what they don't want you to know: You're actually the hero of your own story, and you have the power to reclaim your narrative, living your life in a healthy and abuse-free way.
Getting to the point that you realize that your life can be different is often a very long journey. But once you do, here are three quick steps to help you on your path:
Emotional Healing: Honor Your Reality Start keeping a journal – digital or physical – where you record events exactly as they happen. No minimizing, no second-guessing, no "maybe I'm overreacting." Your experiences are real. Your feelings are valid. Document them. This isn't about gathering evidence for anyone else; it's about anchoring yourself to your truth and being able to look back on your journal entries and remind yourself that you are indeed not crazy.
Physical Healing: Reclaim Your Space Find one small space that's just yours – it could be as simple as the bathroom during your morning shower or your car during your commute. Living with a narcissist is hard, so in this space, let your shoulders drop. Unclench your jaw. Breathe deeply. Feel what it's like to exist without performing, without managing someone else's emotions. Your body remembers what peace feels like.
Spiritual Healing: Reconnect With Your Inner Voice Remember that spark inside you? The one that used to dream, hope, and plan? It's still there, buried under layers of criticism and doubt. Each day, ask yourself one simple question: "What do I want?" Not what would keep the peace, not what they would approve of – what do YOU want? That small voice inside you is your compass pointing toward freedom.
Whether you leave the relationship or not is your business. I know how hard living with a narcissist can be. But either way, healing is going to be necessary.
You didn't deserve this. You couldn't have prevented it. No amount of perfection, patience, or love would have changed who they fundamentally are. Their behavior is not a reflection of your worth – it's a reflection of their brokenness.
You're not alone in this. Every confusing, crazy-making moment you've experienced is a recognized pattern, a documented tactic, a known strategy of narcissistic abuse. You could say it's textbook. And just as these patterns are predictable, so too is the path to healing.
Stay with me. There's so much more to unpack, understand, and heal together. This is just the beginning of your journey back to yourself.
You're stronger than you know. And you're definitely not crazy.
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